Interpersonal Attraction

Interpersonal attraction, is defined in our textbook as a desire to interact with someone based on a variety of factors: usually social, physical or task related. Nice Guys Finish First, by Hara Estroff Marano, offers great advice to nice men looking for that special lady. There is a fine line between conceit and confidence, and I’m not sure which one I have, but I have a lot of one of them. Showing yourself to be interesting can be the most important factor to attraction. If you are boring, no one will want to talk to you, least of all an attractive young lady. In my own personal situation, my wife asked me out. Prior to that, I honestly never noticed her. The self-confidence she possessed that day sparked a fire in me that, hopefully, will burn forever.

Predicted Outcome Value Theory

At least one instance when the predicted outcome value theory does not apply is business. Chapter 13 of our text describes this theory as connecting with others because we believe positive outcomes will result. An article Clients or Friends? Or Both?, discusses the problems associated with developing relationships with clients. In my field, lawn mower repair, this doesn’t necessarily equate to higher profits. Instead, those who have become friends want quicker service at a lower cost. I guess this theory does work, for the friend, just not for me.

Dialectical Theory

Why is it, that when my wife wants to spend time with me, I’m busy and vice versa? In our textbook this is called the Dialectical Theory: Push and Pull. Relationships call for autonomy, as an individual, and connection. Reading this section I came to the realization that, as humans, we sometimes want what we cannot have. My wife wants my attention when I can’t give it and vice versa. When we are not otherwise engaged in other time consuming activities, we enjoy each others‘ company immensely. Reading Back Off!, by Geraldine K. Piorkowski gave me some insight to what may be the problem. The article discusses the intimacy issue in relationships. We moved from Arizona to Nebraska in 2001. We left behind our friends and close neighbors. Since we have been in Nebraska, we have yet to develop any lasting close friendships outside the family. This has caused us to rely on each other far more than we did in Arizona. The fact that our children are getting older has also freed up time that had been devoted to their care. With this extra time we both decided to return to college. She is a year from an RN. I am a hundred years from my ultimate goal: law. Maybe we’ll have more time for each other when we’re retired.

Grave-Dressing Phase

In Communication, Making Connections by William Seiler and Melissa Beall, the authors summarize communications scholar Steve Duck’s phases of dissolution in Chapter 14 pages 390-1. Steve believes that relationships breakdown in four phases: intrapsychic, dyadic, social and the grave-dressing phase. The latter phase is the most interesting because both parties give their account of why the relationship failed. Often one party is not convinced that the relationship is over and problems can arise. This makes me think of a coworker who battered his girlfriend. She went so far as to move to Kansas to escape his wrath. When he tracked her down at college he attempted to assault her and her new boyfriend. He was not allowed to enter the dorm by security, thank heavens, and instead went to the window of her dorm room and shot himself in the chest. He survived much to the chagrin of her parents, I’m sure. In Anatomy of a Violent Relationship by Neil Jacobsen and John Gottman, the authors define battering as “physical aggression with a purpose: to control, intimidate, and subjugate another human being.” They claim it is ALWAYS accompanied with verbal abuse. In the case of my ex-coworker, the only casualty was him, lets pray that doesn’t change.

Betrayal

When I was a child I never saw The Upside of Divorce. My parents split when I was five years old. They shouldn’t have ever married (I was an accident). I attended my mother’s high school graduation as a newborn. I am considered a “reconciler” because rather than continue that behavior, I chose to learn from it. My wife, Jessica, and I waited nearly two years after marriage to start a family. I would never disrespect her, my children, or myself by cheating on my family like my father did. I know I’m far from a perfect father or husband, but at least I’m trying; that’s more than my father ever did.

Interpersonal Conflicts

My wife , Jessica, and I fight so infrequently that it can be quite a shock when we do. Early in our marriage, Jessica was worried that our relationship would become caustic like her parents marriage is. They scream at each other anywhere anytime. She wouldn’t fight even when it was warranted. Through the years we have learned to fight constructively; we inject humor when either of us feel things are becoming too harsh. I think we know each other so well now, that we have learned how to avoid conflicts. I can honestly say that we are the best of friends. So far, twelve years and three kids later we are living happily ever after.

Tour boat capsize

What a tragedy to hear about a tour boat sinking in New York. Latest estimates put the death toll at 21 out of 47. This boat was equiped with life jackets but people are not required to wear them. Maybe something like this has to happen before regulations are changed. Isn't this why we have seat belt laws? Laws to protect people from themselves. In the article they say all the passengers were on one side of the boat to apparently look at something of interest when a wave from another ship caused theirs to roll. Am I the only one who thinks this was a senseless waste of life? What was the Captain thinking? I think we are way to trusting with our lives. I recently took a harbor cruise in Seattle while on vacation. This was a very large boat but I requested life jackets for my family. We only get one life. It's like they say the life you save just might be your own.